He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
