Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
