when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
