he shaved USA in his pubs
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize