Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
