Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Also, beer. Big fan.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
