its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize