I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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