Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
