I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
