I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize