In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
