Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
