i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
