I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
