thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
