I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
