I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
