By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize