All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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