I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
