i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
