i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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