Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
