I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
