The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
please don't ironically join a cult
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