I cut my penus on the lid.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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