Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize