No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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