Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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