she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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