Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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