This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize