good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I touched a dick in church today
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
