the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
