jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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