i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
