Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
