So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
