I need help removing her.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
