My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
