i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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