Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Vodka?
Forever.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
