"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
