Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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