he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
