Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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