Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
