new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
