this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize