Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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