the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize