Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
