I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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