I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
