ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
