Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize