I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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