You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
