I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
