Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
