being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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