Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
