my vag is so smooth its legendary
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
