they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
