just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
