K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You smell like stripper and shame
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
