I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
