Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
