remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
