she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
