there's paper in my vomit.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
