Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
