Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize