I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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