i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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