I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
