my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
