do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
