I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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