i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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