why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
