I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
