We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
