I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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