I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
