I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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