happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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