I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
