Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
