...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
