I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
