What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
