I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
