So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
