I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
