You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Less talking, more tequila
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
