Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
