i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
