i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize