the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
