On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
