Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
