she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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