You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
