I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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