i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
